Dear Helen
My seventeen-year-old son Stephen has always had an earlier bedtime than his sisters Susan and Melissa despite the fact they are both younger than him. Even though they are aged fourteen and twelve respectively, they are far more capable and mature than he is. My son’s bedtime is 6:00pm with pyjama time preparation beginning at 5:15pm. I expect him to be in his jim-jams by 5:30pm. These consist of traditional cosy winceyette pyjamas and tend to be of the design a toddler of three or four might wear as I do not consider him old enough for “big boys pyjamas”.
At weekends his routine can vary. On Saturday his older sister invariably stays with friends and my mother and sister always visit. Stephen is already in his pyjamas by then of course and I allow him to stay up until 6.30pm to say night-night to Nana and Auntie Beatrice, he is then taken upstairs and put to bed by
Melissa. On Sunday, since it is school the next day he is bathed and in pyjamas ready for bed by 4:00pm and safely tucked up no more than a half an hour later.
Monday to Friday, since I have not usually returned from work by 5:15pm it befalls his sisters to ensure he adheres to the rules. They will oversee his supper; the girls eat with me once he is tucked up in bed, make sure he washes his dirty dishes, select his pyjamas, help him undress and assist with the donning of his pyjamas before supervising face washing and teeth cleaning. I am always home in time to take him up to bed as I think that is very important for a boy of his age to have Mummy there to tuck him in and kiss him night-night.
Now that he is shortly to turn eighteen he requested that his bedtime should be moved to seven o’clock. Upon consideration I agreed to a trial period to begin immediately. Unfortunately that is where my trouble began.
My son was under the misapprehension that a later bedtime also meant a later pyjama time too, it being being put back an hour until 6:15pm. This was not the agreement. When I arrived home I found Melissa had spanked him and gave him corner time when he refused to get ready for bed at his usual time. Susan had also dressed him in his special, yellow bunny rabbit, “naughty boy pyjamas,” Amidst all the tears and recriminations the best I could do was put him across my lap for another spanking and pack him off to bed there and then.
Stephen across mummy's lap wearing his bunny jim-jams for the bedtime spanking
My daughters are unhappy about spoiling our evenings together, they feel the best place for my son is to be tucked up in bed at his usual time and to continue letting them get him ready for bed, choosing jim-jams etc. I have for the moment, reverted back to putting Stephen to bed at 6 pm, something he is not happy about but I do not wish to undermine my daughter’s authority over their brother.
Your advice on the matter would be most appreciated.
Gertrude Kirchgarten.
Reply from KellyAnn
Dear Gertrude you are taking control and showing him that mummy (and his sisters) remain in control of his pyjama and beddy-byes time. It is excellent for eighteen year olds to be treated like the naughty little boy he really is.
Reply from Janice
Dear Gertrude;
Congratulations on your treatment of your errant son. How dare he demand to have a later bedtime. presence of young ladies and girls? You were right to put him to bed immediately without dinner. Below I have outlined how this miscreant should be treated.
After school, he must be bathed by the girls and dressed in pyjamas and put to bed with blinds and curtains tightly closed. He should have formula (with medication) and baby food as dinner in bed, (it is much healthier than the junk food older boys crave-no additives or preservatives). I also suggest when unruly make him eat things like stewed cabbage in castor oil OR strained prunes and cod liver oil. He should do his studies and then go straight to bed with lights out within one hour of arriving home. What time does he arrive?
On weekends and holidays and the entire summer I suggest:
4 pm - bath by girls, teeth brushing etc
4.30 pm - in bed in clean pyjamas
Tucked in tightly with extra quilts
Have him sleep in a position he dislikes a great deal
Brushed flannel sheets to induce sleep
Baby doll or stuffed animal to cuddle up with
Consider a sleep mask-they work well
Baby formula in bottle with medication
Medicated suppository if necessary for unruliness
Baby dummy tied in place
If very unruly-medicated dummy filled with castor oil or soap tied in place (The girls will love this)
Baby monitor and recorder (the latter in case you go out and you need to record his movement)
No lights allowed
No clock allowed
No reading materials, radio or any items he can entertain himself with
No visitors
Clothes removed from room-closet kept locked
Room should be kept very dark
He should be told the rules: sleep and be very quiet or else!
No Noise Allowed
Door tightly closed and locked
Always put him to bed when you or daughters have guests or you have a party
If allowed up for a short spell before bed he should be dressed in pyjamas.
From Janice
Dear Gertrude;
It is so delightful to hear that your seventeen-year-old son is treated as the miscreant he really is. Certainly making him wear childish pyjamas has him in tears as well as teaching him a lesson that "when you act like a child, you get treated like one".
Certainly this lad's brashness must be dealt with. I can imagine him protesting that his sister's are younger and they deserve an earlier bedtime. Typical silly little boy! His sisters are obviously more mature than he and as noted, help in getting him ready for bed. I applaud that action.
Dear all, thank you for your most constructive comments.
Well I must say my son appears to have taken leave of his senses. On Saturday his Nana and Aunt Beatrice arrived unexpectedly early. With them was eleven-year-old Alice who was being looked after by my sister. Alice immediately shouted out a cry of recognition. It appeared she was in the first year of my son’s school.
My son of course had no knowledge of such a junior pupil. I suggested a game of ‘Ring a Rosie’s’ for the pair before Stephen's bedtime
of them, and indeed, Alice was soon laughing and enjoying herself. My seventeen-year-old son for some reason appeared to be less than enthusiastic and I had to remind him to play nicely on more than one occasion.
At 5:15pm I approached the pair and asked my son to go upstairs and return with his pyjamas as it was time for me to get ready for bed. I informed Alice that they could play a less boisterous game once he was in his jim-jams.
Imagine my surprise when he flatly refused to obey me, saying such nonsense as he was to old to go to bed so early and that pyjamas were for sissies. You can imagine the shock I felt at being shown up in such a manner in front of guests. I was so angry it took me no time to take down his shorts and put him across my
lap for a spanking.
He was not at all pleased to be spanked in front of everyone but I ignored his cries and sent Alice off on an errand to his sisters room. She returned with my son in full-blown tantrum mode and I had to elicit help from his Nana and Aunt to remove the remainder of his clothing as he wriggled and squirmed to avoid our grasp. I was determined that he be put to bed immediately!
"I hope these pyjamas are sissy enough for you?" I asked, as Beatrice and I held his legs while his Nana pulled upon him a pair of his sisters’ pyjama bottoms. There were more frantic efforts to escape as he realized he was being
put into a pair of frilly soft brushed cotton pink pyjamas. We held him as my mother buttoned him into the pyjama top, fastening the top button to enhance the effect of the pretty ruffle neck collar.
How he sobbed as I made him kiss everyone night-night, including Alice before asking her to help me tuck him into bed even though it was only 4:30pm
What a story she would have to tell at school on Monday!
On Sunday morning, as a punishment, he was put into a quilted dressing gown and made to spend the day in his sissy, little girl pyjamas and dressing gown. I told him that in future, because of his babyish behavior his sister’s would be putting him into his pyjamas as soon as he came in from school.
I also told him to expect to spend future weekends confined to bed all day. Furthermore he would wear little girl pyjamas at all time whilst in the house until I decided otherwise.
Do you think I have been too harsh on him perhaps or even too lenient?
Your opinions are always welcome
Gertrude Kirchgarten.
Stephen wearing his sissy pyjamas and quilted robe on Sunday
