A cover page from volume two of Pyjama Punishment Monthly

Pyjama Punishment Monthly's agony aunt Nanny Smackbottom answers more queries.

Dear Nanny Smackbottom

Even though I will be nineteen in two weeks time aunty insisted that my weekday bedtimes remain at  7pm.
I had been asking her for a long time to allow me to stay up until 9pm, (hoping for 8pm) but she would not budge. One rare sunny day a short while ago I returned home from college at 3pm to find aunty entertaining her book club ladies in the garden. "Ah good, you're home," she said looking at me. "Straight upstairs and change into your pyjamas and slippers and then you can hang out the washing. I've just laundered three pairs of your pyjamas and they will dry nicely in the afternoon sun. Quickly now." She continued her conversation with Miss Harkness, Miss Gilbody and Mrs Kettle. I hestitated, cleared my throat and decided to be bold. "Aunty it's ridiculous that I have to put my pyjamas on as soon as I come home, I am a man now and in future I will decide when I put my pyjamas on and what time I go to bed." The conversation about Northanger Abbey stopped abrubtly. Aunty turned to face me."I beg your pardon, little boy," she said pointedly. "Well I was just saying, what I meant was....." My courage had failed me as four pairs of female eyes focused on me. Instantly it seemed, my trousers were around my ankles and I was across aunty's lap. Quickly I was thrashing and squirming about in an effort to escape her grasp. Out of the corner of my eye and amidst my tears, I saw Mrs Baxendale peer over the garden fence to discover what was happening and then totake up a position to see my spanking better. The slaps rained down upon my bottom and I howled louder. "I'm sorry aunty, please forgive me...ow....ow oh let it stop." I heard aunty despatch Miss Kettle upstairs to fetch my pyjamas and it was only upon her return that my outdoor spanking ceased although my humiliation was set to continue. Sobbing in front of everyone, including the still observing Mrs Baxendale aunty removed the remainder of my clothing until I stood quite naked in front of everyone. "Pass me his pyjama jacket please," aunty asked Miss Kettle who giggled as she looked at me. Miss Kettle is only sixteen and is in the sixth form at the local school. "Don't you ever talk like that to me again you naughty little boy," aunty scolded as she buttoned me into my brown winceyette pyjama top. Bottoms please Miss Kettle." Aunty slapped the back of my leg when I didn't step into my pyjama bottoms quickly enough. "Stay up until nine o'clock, the very idea. How about instead I move your bedtime forward to six o'clock." Miss kettle giggled again but a look from aunty immediatley stifled it. "No aunty please don't make my bedtime earlier," I pleaded. "And in addition, on Saturday and Sunday you will put your pyjamas on at 2pm and bedtime will be 4pm. How grown up do you feel now?" Aunty pulled up my pyjama bottoms and tucked the jacket into the  elasticised waistband of the pyjama bottoms. Now get that washing hung out and then you can say goodnight to everyone and it's off to bed with you."

Please Nanny Smackbottom don't you agree aunty is being too harsh with me?  Will you write to aunty and get her to change her mind. I am quite willing to  go to bed at 7pm as before.

Yours

 Benjamin

Dear Master Benjamin

I will indeed write to your aunt, but only to tell her of your impudence in writing to me. How dare you think that I would support you after your outrageous behaviour. Being too harsh with you? Let me tell you that you are very lucky your aunt has  only moved your bedtime to 6 o'clock. She should be sending you to bed as soon as you arrive home, I certainly would. I would also  put you back into little boy pyjamas to teach you a valuable lesson as well as giving you additional nursey style spankings. Rest assured I will be recommending this pyjama and early bedtime regime to your aunt. Jim-jams on and off to bed with you at once.

Nanny Smackbottom 

A nightmare scenario?

“Don’t forget Philip’s nappy bag Nanny,” trills the mischievous schoolgirl as she adjusts his bonnet. “ I am sure Philip will be needing a nappy change by the time we reach the school gates.”

Nanny laughed. “Well I imagine he will, especially as you intend to feed him that extra bottle in front of your school friends.”

“You can change him in the sixth form room again if you like,” connived Stephanie.

“Don’t you want to change his nappy?” Asked Nanny. “I should think your friends would be impressed.”

“Oh Nanny may I? That would be wonderful!”

Stephanie playfully tweaked Philip’s nose as they set off.

“Nanny…?” she said as they approached the school gates. “You are going to bring Philip back again when school finishes at 3.30pm aren’t you?”

Nanny frowned. “I don’t know Stephanie, you know Philips bedtime is 4 o’clock”

“I have an idea,” said the wicked girl. “Why don’t you put Philip into his jim-jams before you come to meet me? That way we can tuck him straight into beddybyes when we get home.”

Nanny smiled. “Stephanie you are incorrigible. I suppose there will just happen to be a few of your friends with you when we arrive? Oh very well.”

Nanny leant over to Philip. “Well baby Philip we shall have to pick you out a pair of pretty pyjamas for you to wear for your afternoon walk. Which ones would you like to wear to meet the girls?”

Philip shook his head violently. “Mmmmmmpffff!”

Nanny laughed out loud at his muffled protest.

They stopped at the school gates. Philip’s bladder was already at bursting point as Stephanie prepared his extra bottle. He knew he would soon have to endure Stephanie changing his nappy.

Stephanie plucked out his dummy with a “plop” and pushed the teat of the bottle into his reluctant mouth.

“Poor Babykins, Stephanie thinks Nanny should make baby wear his extra cosy frilly pink brush nylon pyjamas this afternoon. After all we don’t want baby catching a chill do we?”

Nanny smiled at Stephanie. “Well young lady I think you are absolutely correct. Philip will look lovely in those pink jimmy-jams. You will make an excellent babysitter for Philip this weekend.”

Stephanie smiled to herself, as she made sure Philip drank up all his milk. She stroked Philip’s cheek.

“Oh yes Nanny. I will have lots of fun with your husband this weekend!”