A rather intimidating set of bedtime rules for one (un)lucky chap.

Bedtime Rules.
Mummy has noticed that you are irritable and tired during the evenings but still go to bed far too late. It is obvious to nanny and me that you require a regular sleep pattern.

Mummy will ensure you have enough sleep by putting you to bed at an appropriate time each night. In effect you will have a set bedtime that will be rigidly adhered to. Mummy and nanny have devised the following bedtime schedule for you.

Mummy reserves the right to change this schedule without prior notice if she feels you need more sleepy-byes time.
Once mummy or nanny has put you to bed, you are to remain in bed until mummy or nanny rouses you the next morning. If you are discovered out of bed for any reason without permission you will receive a pyjama spanking.


Your New Bedtimes

Monday-Friday your bedtime will be 5:00 p.m.
Saturday your bedtime will be 5: 30 p.m.
Sunday your bedtime will be 4:00 p.m.

These bedtimes are to be observed all year including holidays.

Any misbehaviour on your part may result in you being put to bed earlier.

The bedtimes listed are to be interpreted as the absolute latest time that you will be in bed on the indicated nights.

*Christmas bedtimes.

Mummy has noted how, before we were married you became particularly hyperactive prior to the Christmas holidays. It seems the excitement of Santa visiting is all too much for you. To keep you calm, one week away from Christmas day you will be put to bed half an hour after you arrive home from work. This means your Christmas bedtime will be 4:00pm
Once you have begun your holiday you will usually spend the days dressed in your pyjamas to help soothe you and prevent excess excitement as Christmas day approaches. Frequent naptimes will also be required throughout these days. This also has the benefit of allowing mummy and nanny to prepare for Christmas unhindered. On these days your bedtime will remain at 4:00pm

Night attire.
Throughout the two weeks of our marriage you have persistently declined to wear the pyjamas that nanny made for you as a wedding present.

This state of affairs will now change.

As previously stated your bedtimes have been decided. However, prior to your bedtime you will be attired in your pyjamas immediately after you have washed.

Your routine will be as follows.

If  you are given a supervised bath you will be wrapped in a towel then bought downstairs. Mummy or nanny will then dress you in a clean pair or pyjamas. You are not permitted to assist in this procedure as naughty little husbands have no right to dictate to grown ups about their jim-jams.

Mummy or nanny will first button you into your pyjama jacket. Then your pyjama bottoms will be sprinkled inside with talcum powder so that you will smell nice for beddy-byes and you will step into the pyjama bottoms as instructed. When you have both feet in your pyjama bottoms and only then, you will raise your arms from your side so that mummy or nanny can pull you pyjama bottoms up properly. Your pyjama jacket will always be tucked inside the waistband of your pyjama bottoms and your pyjama bottoms waistline will be raised to a height just below your armpits. Since your pyjamas are made several sizes too large, coupled with your bunny rabbit slippers, this is intended to deliberately give you an infantile appearance that befits your status.

If you are showering unsupervised you will come downstairs wrapped in a towel and present yourself to mummy or nanny and say the following words.

“Mummy/nanny I have had my shower and want to be dressed in my jim-jams ready for beddy-byes thank you.”

If you fail to say these words mummy or nanny will subject you to a pyjama spanking.

Each Sunday, nanny’s sewing circle meets at 2:00pm. You will greet all the ladies with the words,"good afternoon aunty," After serving tea you will shower and present yourself to one of the aunty's who will dress you in your pyjamas. You will spend the time until beddybyes sitting quietly with your colouring book. At 3.55 you will kiss everyone night-night and mummy will take you up to bed.

This strict bedtime regime will take effect  immediately.   

                       

There will no doubt be times when your behaviour warrants additional punishment. On these occasions you can expect to find yourself put to bed at any time of the day. You have been warned.