A set of early bedtime rules for all those naughty girls out there.

Mummy’s New Conduct Rules for her Naughty little Girl

Dear Karen

Mummy has witnessed a dramatic increase in unacceptable behavior from you over the past five years.  She can no longer sit by and watch you keep making poor decisions for yourself.

Even though you are eighteen, she has determined that the only way to help you back on the right path is to take most of the decision-making processes out of your hands.  Mummy will now make all the decisions on how you behave at home and in public, just like when you were her little girl.

You will comply with these rules at all times. 

You will behave properly at all times.  Failure to do so will result in punishment from Mummy.

Any additional monetary expenses that are required to comply with these rules are your responsibility.

These rules are not meant to replace the rules that Mummy taught you when you were little.  These are a supplement to them and obeyed from this moment on.

The following rules will remain in full effect for you till the evening of

December 31, 2013. 

The rules Mummy has specified for you in this document may be modified slightly over time, as Mummy deems necessary, but the essence of the rule may not be revoked until that date.

At that time, Mummy will re-evaluate your need for a revised set of rules from her. 

She will likely decide on one of the following for you

1.To impose a new set of rules for you that will last till at least December 31, 2020.

2. That you do not require the imposition of Mummy’s rules anymore.
3. That this set of rules will continue with a new review date.

General rules for adults that act like children

The following list is a general set of rules that Mummy wishes for you to follow from now on.

You will always refer to her as “Mummy”. 

You will refer to other adults as aunty and uncle. Adults are deemed to be anyone of age fourteen and above. Therefore you would refer to your fourteen-year-old cousin Jenny as Aunty Jennifer.

Anyone below that age will be addressed by his or her given name.  You are not permitted to use the more familiar version or contractions of anyone’s name; this is to demonstration of respect for them.

Whenever Mummy asks you a question, your answer is to be as truthful and complete as possible.  Any evasion of the complete truth will require Mummy to spank you. This is a suitable punishment for misbehaviour and will be mummy’s regular method of punishment along with early bedtimes. 

No drinking of any type of alcohol or coffee is permitted.

You will be escorted to work each morning and collected each afternoon to return home. If you leave the house for any other reason it will be under the supervision of mummy or a suitable adult selected by mummy.

Whenever you do leave the house Mummy will check you are suitably dressed, your face and hands are presentable and your hair is combed properly.

General Restrictions now in effect for adults that behave like children.

Mummy will decide on your clothes.  Anything she doesn’t approve of will be thrown out or given to a charity shop.

 

Mummy will decide your hairstyle.  She favors short hair for you, put in a pony- tail or braids.  Hair coloring, highlighting or tinting of your hair is no longer permitted.  Your hair will remain its natural brown from now on.

You will not be allowed to watch television or use the computer at all during your period of supervision.  A small amount of radio may be listened to but only with Mummy’s approval and strict supervision.

All books must be appropriate for a five-year-old.  If a five-year-old would not be permitted to view or listen to the material, neither will you.

Mealtime rules for adults that act like children

You will assist Mummy in the preparation of all meals from now on.

Milk or water is the only liquid you are allowed to consume at mealtimes.  Nothing else is permitted.

You will wear a babies bib or a suitably infantile pinafore at mealtimes. 

All liquids will be consumed in a baby bottle or spill-proof cup.

Mummy will decide what you will eat. You will now carry a prepared lunch to work each day.  Other meals outside the home are forbidden.

No eating or drinking of anything outside the house is permitted without Mummy’s permission.

All snacking between meals is now forbidden.

Nighttime bath preparation rules for adults that act like children

Every night you will take either a bath or shower. 

The general schedule is as follows

Shower                     Monday - Thursday

Bath                          Friday - Sunday

Mummy will give you a 1-quart enema every Saturday night.

You will go to bed wearing nightgown or pyjamas, nappies and plastic pants.

You will sit on the potty before bedtime.

On the rare occasion we are out visiting past your bedtime you will still be prepared for bed wearing nightgown or pyjamas, nappies and plastic pants that you will have carried with you in your “nighty-night bag”. Your “nighty-night bag” will also contain your teddy bear, a toothbrush and toothpaste and your potty. You will carry your ”nighty-night bag” during all non-working excursions from the house.

Nappy time rules to be applied whenever you are prepared for bed wearing nappies.

Your bed will be fitted with a rubber sheet and little girl bedding.

You will make regular use of a baby’s dummy.

Bedroom rules for adults that act like children.

Mummy will buy new furniture and redecorate your room to make it more appropriate for a little girl of your age.  

You will now sleep cuddling a teddy.

Bed times for naughty adults that act like children.

Mummy noticed that you have trouble going to bed at any sort of reasonable hour.  Not getting sufficient sleep every evening has made you irritable and caused you significant and frequent problems at your job. 

When you were little, Mummy made sure you had enough sleep by putting you to bed at an appropriate time each night. Because you obviously cannot handle the responsibility of choosing a suitable bedtime for yourself, Mummy has taken the liberty of constructing a list of nightly bedtimes for you. 

The following bedtime schedule should solve your problem of not getting enough sleep fairly quickly.

The bedtimes listed below are just a first draft for Mummy.  If she feels they need to be adjusted to an even earlier time she will not hesitate to do so.

           

Once Mummy has put you to bed, you are to remain in bed till Mummy comes to get you the next morning.

Your New Bedtimes

Monday - Thursday Evenings                                          5:30 pm

Friday Evenings                                                         6:30 pm

Saturday Evenings                                                         6:00 pm

Sunday afternoon                                

                        4:00 pm

The bedtimes listed above will be in effect for you year-round including holidays and when you are on holiday.

Please note that these are your actual bedtimes, you will be prepared for bed, that is in pyjamas or nightgown, nappies and plastic pants, at least an hour before the listed bedtime.

Mummy can send her little girl to bed any time she pleases.  The times above are the latest times that you will normally be going to bed on the above nights.

Mummy has noted that in the past you are especially prone to inappropriate bedtimes around the holidays, so she has made a special set of bedtimes to govern them. 

Good Friday, Easter Saturday and Easter Sunday

Your bedtime on the above days will be at 5:00 p.m.  

Mummy will be giving you an extra hard spanking at bedtime on each of the days above.

The Entire Week following Easter

Your bedtime on the above days is 5:00 p.m.  

Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve

Your bedtime on the above days is 4:30 pm  

Mummy will be giving you an extra hard spanking at bedtime on each of the days above.

Christmas Day and New Year’s Day

Your bedtime on the above days is 4:30 p.m.

Special Night Time Wear for Adults that Act Like Children

Naughty adults that act like children forfeit the privilege of selecting the nightclothes that they wear to bed.

The only type of nightclothes fabric that Mummy will permit you to wear is cosy winceyette all year-round.  Five pairs of pink floral winceyette footed pyjamas with a drop down seat in the back have been ordered as well as three full length winceyette nightgowns that button at the back and have long sleeves with elasticated frilled cuffs. Mummy feels that this type of nightwear will make you more compliant in regards to bedtimes.

General Punishments for Adults that Act Like Children

When you were younger Mummy used to punish you using a variety of methods.  If you misbehaved enough to warrant a punishment from Mummy, the punishment would most likely be one or more of the following.

1. Spanking
2. Corner Time
3. Sent to Bed Early
4. Mouth Washed Out with Soap

These methods proved their effectiveness when Mummy used them in the past.  Since we have decided to return you to your younger self these punishments will be reinstated with additional methods.

The first method Mummy will use to punish you is giving you a long hard spanking. 

Mummy plans to be strict with regards to your conduct at all times now.  Step out of line and you go over mummy’s knee for a bare bottomed nursery style spanking.

You will then follow your bedtime regime and be dressed in pyjamas or nightgown, nappies and plastic baby pants and put to bed immediately, no matter who is present at the time.   

Mummy has decided that a weekly schedule of spankings will provide you with the best chance for success.

Please understand that the weekly spankings listed below are for past misbehavior, not for present or future misbehavior.  Mummy will give you additional hard spankings for any new misbehavior that you commit.    

From now on, you can expect a weekly set of spankings from Mummy according the following plan.

Spanking
One Weekday Spanking

This spanking will occur sometime between Tuesday morning and Thursday night.  Mummy will come into your bedroom and spank you either right before bed or when you first get up in the morning.  This spanking will usually be a hand spanking, but will occasionally involve a wooden hairbrush or paddle. 

You are expected to cry and have to endure a sore bottom for several hours after your spanking.  Having to sit your sore bottom in your office chair all day should be a very effective reminder that misbehavior costs plenty in the end! 

• Sunday Afternoon Spanking

This spanking will be considerably harder than your normal weekday spanking.  This spanking will usually start with a good, hard hand spanking and always progress to a wooden hairbrush, wooden spoon or paddle spanking by the end.  This spanking will definitely leave you unable to sit down, which is why Mummy scheduled it for Sunday afternoons. 

By Monday morning, most of the pain in your bottom due your spanking will have faded away, but the lingering effects of your spanking should still be felt in your bottom.  The sting should make you very attentive to your work on Monday mornings.

Corner Time Punishment

Corner time is always performed with you prepared for bed.

Mummy will place you in the position that she wishes you to remain in for the duration of your corner time and you will stay there with a minimum of motion and sound.

Mummy will sometimes require you to hold an object with your nose during corner time.  If the object falls to the floor, you will receive a spanking with the hairbrush and start your corner time all over again.

• Before/After Your Spanking Corner Time

Whenever Mummy’s spanks you, you can expect to do corner time afterwards for a minimum of fifteen minutes.     

• Corner Time Display Punishment

Mummy will also use corner time as a punishment by itself.  When it is used, it has a minimum time of thirty minutes.

Sent To Bed Early Punishment

When Mummy sends you to bed early for punishment, you will always be dressed in baby style footed pyjamas.

Mummy’s New Punishments

Mouth Washed Out With Soap / Castor Oil Punishment

Mummy will now punish disrespectful comments of others and inappropriate language from you with a mouthwash consisting of liquid soap, spoonfuls of castor oil followed by a spanking and an early bedtime.

Line Writing Punishment

Mummy will now use long assignments of line writing to augment the lessons she is trying to teach you.  The ‘line’ will consist of a minimum of thirty words and a minimum of one hundred repetitions.

The lines will be hand printed in your finest handwriting.

Each line will be numbered. 

If you make a mistake, you are to cross out the line and rewrite the line using the same line number as the line with the error.  No single page may have more than three crossed out lines or the entire page must be redone.

Nap Times for Adults that Act Like Children

As Mummy noted before, she has a lot of evidence that you do not get enough sleep on a regular basis, so she gave you new bedtimes.   As a preventative measure to tiredness and irritability, she will now require you to take naps during the day.

A two to three hour long nap is a good way for Mummy to insure that you don’t become cranky in the afternoon.

Every Saturday and Sunday afternoon you will be dressed in your pyjamas and take a nap for a minimum of two hours right after your lunchtime meal. It is possible that you may just be kept in bed for the rest of the day, in effect your naptime become your bedtime.

Baby Sitting For Adults that Act Like Children

Whenever Mummy needs to go out for the evening, Miss Grabowski your old math’s tutor will baby-sit you. You will incur the cost of her wages plus her tip.

 Miss Grabowski supervision will begin by taking you to the bathroom and giving you a bath.  After your bath, she will dress you in pyjamas, nappies and plastic pants and you will remain in them till Mummy changes you out of them the next morning.

Miss Grabowski will then feed you your prepared dinner and proceed to give you a long, hard bare bottom spanking with a paddle or wooden hairbrush before she puts you to bed. Any misbehaviour by you while you are being babysat results in double punishment first by Mummy and then by Miss Grabowski.

Mummy hopes this regime will improve your behaviour considerably.