PPM offers some advice

Dear Pyjama Punishment Monthly

Even though I admire and enjoy your publication I must confess to having had doubts about the methods employed to discipline errant boys. Imagine my surprise when I discovered for myself that your recommendations could be deployed successfully.

My nephew is fifteen and typically lacking in manners and respect for his elders. One evening, after a heated debate about his staying out late, I decided to try a little experiment. While he was taking his bath, I locked his bedroom door. I then selected a pair of my most voluminous pyjamas, a yellow floral pair of robust flannelette and returned to the sitting room to await his return.

Soon, he was standing in front of me holding a wet skimpy towel in front of himself to cover his modesty. He demanded access to his clothes but I calmly told him that I had decided he was not going out tonight and pointed to the floral pyjamas warming on the radiator. 

I told him he could either put the pyjamas on or remain naked - the choice was his. Of course, he blustered about his 'rights' and such nonsense that he had picked up at school until I told him that he was still a child and under my strict jurisdiction.

He then pathetically attempted to change my mind by reminding me that I was expecting the female members of my book club. Foolishly, he assumed that in some way that would sway my decision. 

I informed him that future circumstances depended entirely upon him, if he wanted to be seen naked by my lady friends totally naked then that would be so, alternatively, he could appear modestly attired in his infantile sissy pyjamas. 

Having time now to consider his options, he decided the sissy pyjamas warming on the radiator were his best option. I watched triumphantly as he stepped into the pyjama bottoms and slipped on and buttoned up the pyjama jacket.

As I had anticipated, the pyjamas were far too large for his slender frame so I assisted by turning up the sleeves of the jacket and pulling the bottoms up high to shorten the length of the bottoms. He struggled with the unfamiliar female button arrangement and I happily fastened them for him. 

The effect on him was staggering, almost immediately after putting on the female pyjamas and being enveloped in the soft caress of the cosy winceyette material he was a different person. 

He politely requested that he be allowed to go straight to bed but I informed him he had to stay up to say night-night to my guests. When he asked me how we would explain his appearance he called me 'aunty', something he had not done for weeks.

We would say he was recovering from flu, I advised.  He had been so ill that he had run out of clean pyjamas and that aunty had let him borrow a pair of her warmest winceyette pyjamas I told him reassuringly. 

When my guests arrived he was politeness personified, sitting quietly and only speaking when spoken to. Everyone accepted our explanation of his unusual attire, some even commenting on how sweet he looked in his floral feminine pyjamas. Only when Miss Gotobed, produced her camera, saying she must have a picture of such a delightfully polite little boy, did he murmur an objection?

By now I felt sufficiently confident to give his bottom a little smack, he gave a small cry of distress before he complied, admittedly somewhat shyly, sitting coquettishly on my lap - a picture that is prominently positioned framed on my mantelpiece to this day.

At seven o'clock I told him it was time for bed and to kiss everyone night-night  He did so a little hesitantly but without a murmur and soon I was tucking him into bed in my daughter's old bedroom.

The next day I kept him dressed in his floral pyjamas to reinforce my newfound discipline and after school, on Monday I took him shopping and bought him some female pyjamas of his very own. His pyjamas are infantile little girl ones, in primrose and pink; soft winceyette with a frilly lace Peter Pan collar and teddy bear motifs.

Since then, if I feel he has misbehaved, I only have to clap my hands and say, ‘pyjama time please’ and no sooner have I spoken then he is ready for bed dressed in his girls' pyjamas, cuddled up beside me.

Thank you PPM for promoting this truly effective style of discipline.

Yours truly

Margaret